


Devil's Lettuce

by MUNASHIKU



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23013490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MUNASHIKU/pseuds/MUNASHIKU
Summary: Instead of the eloquent butler known as Sebastian, Ciel seems to have summoned the weed demon, Snoop Dogg.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Devil's Lettuce

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This... was a ridiculous idea that popped into my head after hanging out at my friend's house. I don't know much about Kuroshitsuji lore. Please bear with me/ Mostly set during episode 3, english dub. I'm writing this on wordpad, so not edited at all lmao.

Ciel covered his nose, a rancid odor suddenly surrounding him. He'd never smelled something so peculiar before, but from descriptions he'd read from explorers overseas... is this what the animal 'skunk' smelled like?

"You best think wisely. There's no turning back after you taste the first cool drag of our fair lady, Mary Jane."

What sort of world did this 'demon' come from? What was this 'Mary Jane'? Why did he speak so... well, Ciel didn't really have a word for it, the closest being 'loosely'. 

"Do you think I dare hesitate on my decisions? Coming this far to summon a demon?"

"Aight, I'm just makin' sure that you really wanna form a contract with me." The demon was nowhere to be seen in this dimension; instead, Ciel was surrounded by countless tall green plants underneath a grey sky, each plant having seven petals that looked almost like feathers. He'd never seen this strange flora before.

"I do. Now stop asking these tedious questions and let me know if we have a deal."

The odor became overpowering, the world around him growing hotter, clouds of smoke bellowing around him, a vision Ciel more commonly associated with hell than whatever 'rose garden' he was just in.

.o

Ever since the new butler arrived at the Phantomhive Mansion, an unmistakable stench of marijuana plagued the residence. No room remain pure once Snoop Dogg, the recent Phantomhive butler, stepped into it. That's not to say that Snoop Dogg didn't clean each room with the sort of diligence one would come to expect from a demon butler, but there was definitely no smell of pinewood or traditional cleansing products. Just... skunk.

It perplexed every guest who arrived. It was chalked up to exotic candles imported from India, and if they didn't like the smell, they were free to leave, while Ciel enjoyed culture from another country. 

Snoop Dogg gently placed the cup of earl grey tea in front of his young master with one hand, the other hand perpetually preoccupied with a brown lit cigarette Ciel had come to know as a blunt. 

"Thank you, Snoop," Ciel said, sipping it quietly. "By the way, how has training with Grell been going?"

"This dude has to be fakin' jacks; no way he coulda become a butler all on his own wit' how wack he is at everything," Snoop confessed, his thick, lush lips curving downward into a frown. "But I wouldn't be one hell of a funky-ass butler if I couldn't teach this stick how to know the ledge."

.o

The carriage took them to the storefront where Ciel was supposed to receive his cane. The storemaster wore a pleasant smile that was immediately ripped away from his face upon Snoop Dogg entering the store, for with him came the stench of weed. 

"What is that horrendous smell?!" the storemaster cried, pinching his nose and his eyes looking like they were on the verge of tears.

"It appears this gent don't appreciate my funk," Snoop Dogg muttered, but nonetheless he was used to the reactions. Not everyone could appreciate the hedonistic smell of a plantly power that let you ascend to the heavens--despite it coming from hell itself. 

"Nevermind that. We are here to pick up an order," Ciel handed a paper to the storemaster. who read it with weeping eyes.

"Oh, you're the one who ordered this walking stick," the storemaster retrieved the cane. "Naturally, I didn't think a child--"

Snoop Dogg had grabbed the cane and tested its strength, to which it cracked and warped under his fingers.

"I suspected this stick wouldn't be straight," he put down the cane, to which the storemaster looked angry about.

"That cane was as straight as an arrow!" he cried. "You damaged it!"

"Nah, I was just making sure this wasn't some booty pole, and obviously it was." He tossed the cane to the floor, turning to his master. "It wouldn'ta stood up to yer boy Finnian's strength. That's why I had it all planned out and made you a kickin' new stick."

From out of nowhere, Snoop Dogg produced a cane that looked like nothing Ciel had ever seen before.

"You think that will be more effective than the other cane? It's made of glass!" Ciel cried, looking at the long transparent stick that had a spherical shape near the top (what Ciel assumed was the handle) with a cylindrical protrusion.

"It ain't glass, lil' master, it's a special bong that can withstand the test of time and millions of hits," Snoop Dogg smiled wisely. 

Ciel snatched the stick from his butler, and gave it several whacks on the floor. Aside from a sharp ringing each time it struck the ground, the odd stick did not break. He nodded in satisfaction.

Ciel grabbed the bag of money he had intended to give the storemaster for his efforts, dumped half of it out onto the countertop, and pocketed the rest. "You would have received an entire payment if it wasn't determined your product to be so low quality." 

The storemaster was left with a lousy payment and a store that would reek of weed for weeks to come.

.o

"That power of Finnian's is monstrous. How could anyone be strong enough to break a walking stick? It's a pain to get a new one." They were walking down the street of the marketplace.

"You know, that stick I gave you has a secondary use," Snoop Dogg mentioned casually.

"Oh?" 

"I know you aren't fond of my product, and I know you ain't fond of smoking, but this is different from a roach. It ain't dry like a roach. You can use that bong to get a nice wet smoke."

"It would be great if it didn't aggravate my asthma," Ciel murmured.

"Yeah, lil' master, it may just help. And y'know it helps with your nightmares, too," Snoop Dogg contributed helpfully.

"Yes... I'm not enthused to say it, but since you introduced me to this 'devil's lettuce', I have been able to sleep easier. Let us hope I don't nearly die this time." 

"Was that a joke, lil' master?" Snoop Dogg was almost shocked to hear it.

.o

"I'm sure you're ready to crash back at your place, lil' master. I'll get you some tea and then we can test that new bong stick." Snoop Dogg said as he opened the door to the mansion. He saw Ciel's face drop when the sight of frills and other girlish decorations littered every single inch of the manor. 

His lil' master was no scrub; he could definitely get any girl he wanted, and Elizabeth was definitely the girl for her, and yet everything she did nowadays seemed to tick Ciel off.

"Ah, it's lil shorty," Snoop said as he took down the Grell pinata that Elizabeth set up. The servants that Snoop had hired to protect the mansion had been decked out in pink frills too. Elizabeth wasn't going to leave Snoop out of the picture; he found himself wearing a bonnet of ungodly pink and flowers that he knew wouldn't give him the same high as his one true lady.

"You're always dressed in black; I thought this would be a nice change! What do you think?" The little lady asked, looking adoringly up to the black butler. 

"It's the bomb," he replied sweetly. 

.o

Ciel needed to learn how to dance for Elizabeth's ball.

"Aight, first of all, I'm gonna teach you how to dance my way."

What proceeded was the weirdest arrangement of movements Ciel had ever seen. What Snoop Dogg appeared to be demonstrating was the equivalent to a seizure.

"I'm confident no one is going to be dancing that way," Ciel was horrified. He didn't like dancing, but if that's how Snoop Dogg wanted him to dance at the ball, Ciel would rather be jumping at the chance to learn the traditional waltz!

He hated dancing with Snoop Dogg. But he did it so that he'd never have to attempt 'krumping'. 

The dance with Elizabeth went without a hitch. Well, there was one hitch. Grell played the violin--which was a shock to every person in that manor (but what kind of butler would Snoop Dogg be if he couldn't teach a human how to shred strings on the violin?)--but Snoop Dogg was 'spittin', as he called it. Saying words too fast for Ciel to really understand, but they carried some underlying poetry? If that's what it could be called. He tried to enjoy the dance the best he could but it was still a huge 'what in the hell?' moment. 

Sometimes Ciel wished he'd never summoned this demon.

.o

Ciel was sitting on his bedside, waiting to be put to bed. The cane rest against his mattress. A tired hand slipped underneath his eyepatch, sliding it off to reveal the demon's seal upon his right eye. The seven pronged leaf burned as he stared into Snoop Dogg's glowing red eyes. 

"Show me."

Snoop Dogg taught him how to light the bong/cane, placing his perfect hash into the reinforced bong. He instructed Ciel on how to use the device, Ciel's lips forming a seal around the mouthpiece and breathing in with his mouth. The potent gases filled his lungs, but unlike previous times with a roach, he didn't find himself hacking up his lungs after three or four puffs. 

The boy's eye seal seemed to glow a fierce red with every inhale. The eye seal itself already made their bond unbelievably powerful, but for Ciel to consume his own product, that gave him a power of biblical proportion. Truly nothing but a good thang.

Ciel felt himself relaxing, his brain releasing its grip on needing complete control, needing to constantly ponder the tragedies of his life and how he needed to exact vengeance for his parents. Right now, all he needed to think about was how nice not feeling felt. 

Ciel would fall asleep with either good dreams or no dreams at all. Snoop wasn't sure which was more kind on the boy, as he'd been plagued with negativity most of his life. To tease him with the possibilities of a good world, in dreams alone, seemed cruel, even to a demon like himself. 

Then again, weed was supposed to help you forget your worries. Not a permanent solution, which Ciel did not want to begin with, but everyone needed a temporary reprieve from the stress. 

"Snoop Dogg," Ciel's voice was heard muffled from the blankets. Snoop Dogg paused before the door.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep." How could he say no to his lil' master?

"Fo shizzle my nizzle."


End file.
